Infertility: Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome

For our last installment on infertility we have an awesome guest blogger! Kim is a young mom to a beautiful little girl. She also has a degree in Early Childhood Education and loves learning.

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I feel grateful to Barb for giving me the opportunity to share with all of you a piece of my heart. My husband and I went through a difficult journey to get our sweet baby girl here, and I hope and pray that the people who are struggling with something of this nature can feel uplifted and more hopeful by reading this.

I always thought I had some type of infertility issue, even before I was married. My periods have never been regular, and on top of that, I had a feeling, an instinct, if you will, that something was not quite right.

My wonderful husband and I were married in August of 2005—so in love, and looking forward to one day starting our family. We waited a year before we tried to get pregnant, and probably would have waited a little longer, seeing as how my husband was still a student. But we both felt for some reason it would not be easy to conceive a child, and decided to get the process started.

Well, the next year came and went. My pregnancy tests were all negative. I was beginning to feel somewhat discouraged, but still hopeful that everything would work out somehow. I made an appointment with an OB/GYN and discovered that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, or PCOS, which is quite common, unfortunately, and means that your body has a hard time ovulating.

Instead of eggs dropping each month to be fertilized, they become cysts on your ovaries, due to hormonal imbalances, thus making conception nearly impossible without treatment.

At that time, I knew very little about PCOS and was extremely overwhelmed at the thought that we could possibly be spending countless amounts of time and money on trying to have a baby. Being a mother is the strongest desire of my heart. I felt so frustrated and discouraged.

My doctor was very positive, however, and gave me words of encouragement. He told me that there are many things we could try that he has seen work with other women who have PCOS, the first, and cheapest, being a medication called Clomid.

He also ran some blood work at this point to check my hormone levels to see if he could treat me that way, but they all came back normal.

Thus, the many rounds of Clomid began. Clomid is a widely used infertility drug designed to trigger ovulation. I would first take Provera, which is a medication that makes your period start if you have an irregular period like I do, then five days of taking Clomid.

Then I would use a thermometer to track my basal body temperature, or BBT, and hopefully be able to pinpoint whether or not I was ovulating on the Clomid, and if so, when, to make conception easier.

My doctor liked to see my chart that kept track of my temperature after each round to see if the Clomid dosage was working. If not, that meant a stronger dosage the next time.

Then we would start all over again, one negative pregnancy test after another. I went through this several times, I could not even tell you how many times, over the next two years. It definitely took its toll on me.

It was extremely exhausting. It was emotionally devastating. I felt like I was less of a woman, like I was inadequate. I felt heartbroken. I felt anxious about our future. I felt like I was all alone. I felt extreme sadness that seemed like it would never end.

I have never gone through something more difficult than this. We tried again and again, though. We kept trying. Each time I took that Clomid and wondered, “Could this be the time it actually works?” only to come out a month later with a negative pregnancy test, time after time after time.

I remember once, my sweet mother, who never had to go through infertility but was still so sympathetic towards my issue, was talking with me and I was explaining my pain and sadness to her. I remember saying to her, “How many times can I fall down and get back up again? What if I don’t have enough strength to get back up next time?”

It was all becoming more than I could bear. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, happy couples were announcing pregnancies, women were easily having babies… what was wrong with me? Why could I not have that, too? That which I so intensely longed for, to be a mother? I am sure this was as close to being depressed as I could ever get.

I am by nature a very optimistic person, but I could no longer feel optimistic. I didn’t have it in me at that time. I was in a very dark hour of my life.

Mother’s Day and Christmas were particularly difficult for me. Mother’s Day is always on a Sunday, and I belong to a very family oriented Church. I could not even bring myself to attend Church on Mother’s Day. I know it sounds strange, but it was just more than I could bear.

Christmas was so difficult, as well. I was supposed to be so happy on Christmas and enjoy my time spent with loved ones, but instead I found myself watching others with small children, and feeling the empty place in my heart, that yearned for that same happiness and joy, just ache with sadness and frustration.

Well, I got to the end of my rope. It finally happened. I could not handle the pain any longer. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I was too sad to be myself. It was December of 2008, and going on two years of taking Clomid on and off.

I thought to myself, ‘This is it.’ No more Clomid after this. I needed a break from feeling like this because I didn’t know how to continue trying and not feel this way.

My doctor was becoming skeptical, as well. He wanted to try some additional testing, first a hysterosalpingogram, where they inject dye into you to determine whether or not your fallopian tubes are open and ideal for conception, then some testing of my husband, and then we would try intrauterine insemination.

This is a less costly approach than in vitro fertilization, which costs thousands of dollars we simply could not come up with. Most OB/GYN’s will do intrauterine insemination in their office. This is where they take sperm and clean it, and inject the healthy sperm when a woman is ovulating.

Well, that last round of Clomid in December of 2008 did not work. I did not let myself feel sad this time, though. I simply would not allow it. I felt hopeful that the intrauterine insemination would work, after we took a six month break from it all. I was so glad that for six months I could spend my days becoming refreshed and rejuvenated before continuing on.

I felt hopeful that I could remain happy once I continued trying, as well. It just had to be possible. I could be happy for others who became pregnant, too. I knew I could at that point. I had gone too long feeling otherwise and hated it, so I was determined to be happy—no matter what. But best of all, I had faith and just knew, in my head and in my heart, that it would all work out. Everything would be okay.

I remember that day I found out the Clomid did not work, yet again, and went home and exercised. I exercised a lot. It helped me get out so much anger and frustration and helped me feel more like myself again. It was on that day, or in the short days after, that we conceived a baby naturally.

Tears of joy instantly rushed down my cheeks when I looked at my positive pregnancy test for the first time, in somewhat of shock and disbelief. I felt indescribable happiness.

Even though deep down I knew we would be able to have children, part of me thought the day would never come that I would be able to see that plus sign appear, telling me that I was pregnant. I had seen too many negative tests to actually envision a positive one. But there it was, right in front of me. I was actually pregnant. What an amazing miracle!

I think every woman who goes through this experience feels sympathy and understanding towards others in the same situation. During the most difficult time for me, I met someone through work who had gone through ten years of trying to have her second child because of her struggle with endometriosis, and never was able to conceive that second child.

She was more than a support in my life. I met her when I needed her most. Looking back, I don’t know what I would have done without her. She knew exactly how I felt, and she knew exactly what I needed to hear. She was an answer to my prayers.

Having her there to talk to and support me as I went through this difficult time in my life was an incredible blessing to me. To this day, we remain the best of friends and I love her dearly. Having this support from someone who went through the same thing meant the world to me.

Perhaps the most damaging thing I did to myself during this experience was putting time limits on me getting pregnant. This was not healthy, and only hurt me in the end.

I often thought to myself, “If I am not pregnant by Christmas, I will just lose it. I can’t go through another Christmas this way. It’s way too hard.” Our wedding anniversary was another date I would use as a time limit. Once that day came and went, however, I was left feeling even more sad, more depressed and more frustrated that I was still not pregnant.

I wish I would have noticed how damaging my thoughts were earlier on in my struggle, and not made it worse for myself.

After more than four years of marriage, and more than two years of struggling with the infertility process, we had our baby in October of 2009. Now we have our sweet baby girl, and we could not feel more blessed. She is our miracle. We love her more than words can say.

She joined our family exactly at the right time, exactly when she was supposed to. Although it was not easy to get her here, I learned so much along the way—so much about myself and so much about life.

I learned that although we may not choose our trials in this life, we can choose how we react to them. We can choose to be happy. And there is always hope for us, no matter what our situation may be. There is always hope.

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Thanks for sharing your story with us Kim! I really appreciate your realness and also the hope you've passed on.

I think the most important thing to remember from this mini-series: you are not alone! Many women struggle with infertility. If you are right now, find someone to talk to and please go see a doctor. They can only help!

Other posts in this series:

• Infertility: the longest 9+9 months of my life
• Infertility: The Research
• Infertility: Climbing Mt. Everest
  

Infertility: Climbing Mt. Everest

To wrap up the mini-series on Infertility I have asked two guest bloggers with completely different experiences to share their stories.

First...Denise is my cousin-in-law and an amazing woman! A wonderful cook with a great sense of humor and a serious work ethic. Not only is she a mama to four beautiful children, but the woman behind Vinyl Me This.

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Barbara contacted me a few weeks ago and asked if I would share our story of infertility. I was honored that she felt our story might benefit those who read her blog. I hope that my efforts will do so.

Let me start from the beginning…..more than 18 years ago. When my husband and I got married infertility was as much a foreign word to me as if someone were speaking Russian to me. I hadn’t heard much about it nor did I even understand what it was.

My mother, grandmother and aunts had no problems getting pregnant and delivering healthy babies. In fact the term “Fertile Myrtle” often was used to describe their reproductive abilities. So when my husband and I decided to postpone pregnancy for the first 2 years of our marriage due to school and work I “knew” that once we decided to start “trying" to get pregnant I would get pregnant very quickly.

The day came, we threw the birth control away and anxiously awaited the next few months just knowing we would be pregnant and having the first grandchild on both sides of the family within a year. After about 6 months we started to wonder what might be going on.

One fact that didn’t help in all of this is that extended family members, friends and neighbors would quiz us regularly on when were we going to start having children. I remember one particularly painful experience when a loving, well-meaning grandmother pulled us aside at a family gathering and said “if you two would just spend more time in bed you would get pregnant”. I wish it was truly that simple; it wasn’t.

At the year mark we started to talk to doctors and investigate medical possibilities of what might be happening—what was preventing us from getting pregnant.

Thus, began the on-slot of a year’s worth of tests and doctor’s visits. One of the first tests done was a hysterosalpingogram; in short, a very painful test to see if my fallopian tubes were clear and open and that my uterus looked healthy and a proper shape for conception.

Hormone tests were run, tests were run on my husband (the results weren’t ideal for conceiving naturally) and eventually a laparoscopy was performed on me to discover a belly full of endometriosis. Basically we were quite the fertility mess!!

One problem could probably be dealt with but with everything involved we were looking at the infertility equivalent of Mt. Everest. The odds just weren’t on our side without spending thousands and thousands of dollars with really not much of a chance of any of the things working.

The point was really driven home one day as we sat across the table from one rather heartless doctor as he told us, with very little compassion included, “you will never conceive a child. You should just move on”.

Moving on….if we didn’t get a desired car or our first job option or the home of our dreams, those things you “move on” from. Being told that you will never have the greatest desire of your heart, the thing you have dreamed about since a little girl, the thing that society seems to define women by for their worth and abilities….really? How DO you MOVE ON?!

I entered a very difficult time in my life. I built a lot of walls and clung tightly to my broken heart trying to protect it. I am a member of a very family-oriented religion. Attending Sunday meetings was painful and attending church on Mother’s Day was excruciating torture. Watching women I loved and admired having babies, listening to women announce they “accidently got pregnant” was almost more than I could bear.

I often found excuses to not attend the baby showers or other such events. I truly didn’t feel strong enough to endure the social hour of agony. I know my Heavenly Father mourned with me and patiently waited for my pain to ease a bit so that my eyes could be opened to the other possibilities and ways for me to become a mother.

Family influence was a huge blessing in our lives. My husband has an aunt and uncle who have adopted children. It’s funny I never really knew this until our view of parenthood needed to be expanded. I adored this aunt and uncle and loved their children. It is because of them that I became open to the idea of adoption.

I won’t delve into the whole world of adoption because that in and of itself is a full-length blog entry, I think one that Barbara one day will venture into, but I will say this…adoption changed everything for me!

At times I worried about whether or not creating a family this way would fill the holes in my heart, whether I could love another mother’s child as though I had created them myself, whether I could be up to any possible challenges an adopted child might face (this question was more pertinent to the last two we adopted because it is a transracial adoption), and was this the path that God intended for our family?

I can say without reservation or hesitation this was EXACTLY the way our family was to be created! The children we have as members in our family are suppose to be our children. I realize I know nothing different but I can’t imagine loving them any more if I would have given birth to them myself.

Some days I still feel twinges of pain at the loss of the experience of finally seeing the “plus” sign on the pregnancy test, carrying and feeling a child grow inside of me and eventually giving birth/life to that child. There is a loss, a death of a dream. There was a grieving process, a time of mourning that I had to experience and go through.

I personally believe that anyone who experiences any degree of infertility will go through these feelings. How can you not? The “ideal” has been changed and NOT with our permission.

But I am a firm believer that all of life’s experiences are for our good and benefit. There are things to learn, wisdom to gain, the need to grow. I have a compassion for couples in our situation that I would not know any other way. I have a love, an admiration for birth mothers and the sacrifice that they experience as they put all of their trust into another couple to raise their child in ways they hope and desire.

I love that we can tell our children that we answered volumes of questions, exposed every facet of our lives, and worked for months on end to have them be a part of our family. Our decision to include them was purposeful and one we would never change.

Infertility changed our lives forever and we have four beautiful children who are the result of that change! I wouldn’t have it any other way!

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See, I told you she was amazing. =) Thank you so much Denise for sharing your experience with infertility.

Other posts in this series:

• Infertility: the longest 9+9 months of my life
• Infertility: The Research
• Infertility: Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome
  

Infertility: The Research

Just an FYI: this post is G-rated. But if you know me personally and think me talking frankly about infertility and solutions to it might inhibit our relationship, or your ability to look me in the eye...maybe you should skip this one. =)

Really though, it won't be all that bad. Just informative.

So. First, let's talk numbers... (following info is from the National Women's Health Information Center)

• 10% of couples struggle with infertility.
  
• A third of those cases lead back to the woman, a third to the man, and a third to either both or no known cause.
  
• If you are in your 30's and have been trying unsuccessfully for 6 months - go see a doctor.
• If you're in your 20's most doctors want you to at least try for a year before seeking treatment.

So...a year? That is a very long time to wait if you really want that baby!

Don't just wait around for things to magically happen. Take charge! There are some things you can be doing to increase your chances of becoming pregnant during those 12 months.

Then, if you do need to go see a fertility specialist, you can tell him what you've been doing and it will speed the process up for you.

The following are things I learned in my undergrad research and from my OB when my husband and I were having infertility problems.

(I actually have been surprised at the number of friends I've talked to that are struggling with infertility, are seeing a doctor, and have not been told about these first two...)

First - track your basal body temperature (bbt). This will help you determine when you are ovulating without buying those expensive over the counter ovulation tests. This should be done first thing when you wake up - before you even get out of bed.

Keep a thermometer on your nightstand and when you open your eyes roll over and get it. Don't talk, don't move too much. Too much movement will raise your temperature and you won't get an accurate reading. Do this everyday around the same time and chart it. When your temperature dips slightly and then "spikes" - meaning, 0.7 degrees or so, you are ovulating.

I did this when we were trying and it helped so much. Like most women, my cycle is not the typical 28 days. So figure out what your cycle is!

Second - This sounds crazy, but let gravity do it's job! Don't get right up - lay on your back with your bum elevated on a pillow for at least 30 minutes. Give those swimmers a chance to reach their destination.

Third - Exercise regularly and eat healthy (both you and your guy)! No-brainer right? But there are medical reasons behind this one. Exercise increases endorphins and your sex-drive.

Also, maintaining a healthy weight increases your chances of becoming pregnant because your body will be functioning properly. Being underweight or overweight negatively influences estrogen and testosterone levels.

When you're eating healthy you're getting certain vitamins and nutrients that help your body work how it's supposed to. Just a couple of examples...

• Vitamin C is important in sperm production - keeps the sperm from clumping and keeps them moving.
• Zinc is important for the proper functioning of both male and female reproductive organs.

So, eat healthy! A daily vitamin wouldn't be a bad idea.

And a few random points...

• Relax. Stress inhibits proper hormone production which can lead to infertility.
• Men should avoid hot tubs. Really. Soaking in extremely hot water kills sperm. After 3-6 months of being in a hot tub sperm counts will soar again (about 400%), so it's only a temporary set back.

What if none of this works?

Then go see a doctor!

You can read about my experience with that here.

Other Options:

• Fertility Drugs
• Artificial Insemination
  
• In Vitro Fertilization
• Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer
• Zygote Intrafallopian Transfer
• Frozen Embryo Transfer
• Donor Eggs & Sperm
• Adoption
  

The next post on infertility will be a guest blogger who will be sharing her experience with us - so excited to hear what she has to say!

Do you know of anything else that helps fertility? Please share!

Other posts in this series...

• Infertility: the longest 9+9 months of my life
• Infertility: Climbing Mt. Everest
• Infertility: Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome
  

Infertility: the longest 9+9 months of my life

I know some of you are not moms yet - so why not start at the beginning with the research - becoming a mom and some of the problems one can encounter.

So I'll start by sharing my experience with infertility, as personal as it may be.

Shortly after getting married I was diagnosed with epilepsy - this led to medicine - which led to the doctors telling us we had to wait to get pregnant, if we could at all on the medicine, since they weren't sure what the side effects would be on the fetus.

So, after not trying, but wanting to for about nine months. We strongly felt it was time to start our family and we'd just have to pray that things would be okay. The doctors put me on a prenatal vitamin and five times the normal dose of folic acid to help prevent defects.

Nine months later we were finally pregnant. So, even though we weren't trying for a full year we did qualify as having infertility problems. (infertility: not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. Or, six months, if a woman is 35 or older. Women who can get pregnant but are unable to stay pregnant may also be infertile. - womenshealth.gov)

After 7 months of trying the testing began. First they checked to make sure my husband's swimmers were good - then they put me on clomid. Clomid is meant to regulate ovulation cycles, not produce multiple eggs and is usually the first step used in treating infertility.

This drug made me a crazy lady!! My hormones were on one wild roller coaster ride. Luckily just over a month later we were pregnant, so it didn't last too long.

There were a few things we did the entire nine months to increase our chances of becoming pregnant - but I'll mention those in the next post: the research.

I'll just end by saying - not being able to get pregnant leaves a woman with a variety of intense emotions.

I felt broken.
I felt inadequate as a woman.
I was sad.
I hated going to church or the grocery store and seeing moms with their cute babies - all happy.
I felt I was letting my husband down.
I felt like no one knew how I felt, no one understood the longing or the pain.

Without trying to sound preachy: if you're currently experiencing infertility problems - know that you are not alone! 10% of woman go through this & know exactly how you feel.

Now that I'm on the other side, I'm glad we had problems and had to struggle to get our Little Miss. I appreciate her so much more and know just what a blessing she is in my life.

Did you have/are having infertility problems? What are some things that you've heard of to help with this common problem?

Other posts in this series:

• Infertility: The Research
• Infertility: Climbing Mt. Everest
• Infertility: Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome