Five Love Languages in Marriage

Remember the giveaway I did back in May for this book?

Well, sadly - not doing another giveaway yet. But - since so many of you voted that your New Year's resolution was to improve your relationships I thought this would be a good place to start!

If you haven't read the book - do! Go out and buy it, or check it out at the library.

Here's a little taste of what it has to offer...

When I'm at the hospital in the next few weeks with my new baby the following will be my reading to help pass the time...

...if it's any good (which I'm sure it will be) - I'll be giving it away the beginning of February! Have you read either book? What did you think?

For the Love of Daddy

Little Miss is definitely a mommy's girl - which is to be expected since I'm a stay-at-home-mom. She's with me all the time and is used to daddy being gone. When I do want to get away, even for a few minutes she usually loses it. Panics. Cries. Doesn't want daddy. Sometimes even when we're both home she'll want me to cuddle her, not daddy...little stinker.

I'm sure you've seen those moms...you know the ones. Their child cries for mommy while being held by daddy and mommy swoops in saving her child from that mean ol' daddy's cuddles.

Umm...does this bug anyone else? Stepping in when you are obviously not needed and just wanted has so many negative effects...

1. Your Child. You are an enabler. You are reinforcing her beliefs that she needs you, and no one else to be comforted. This means she will not learn to trust or rely on others, and probably will struggle when it comes to self-soothing as well.
   
2. Your Husband. In one fail swoop you have cut him down. He no longer believes in his skills as a parent or that he has any at all. He feels useless. Unloved. Not trusted. And isolated from the bond you and your child have. His manhood - shot down.
3. You. You have just enlisted yourself as a staple for all late nights, bad dreams, bumps, bruises, insecure moments your child will have. No one else will be able to comfort - so expect a lot of work as a single parent since you just single-handedly alienated your husband from the tag-teaming equation.

So what do you do when your child goes through the mommy (or daddy) stage? You chat with your husband when little one is sleeping and make sure you have a game plan and are on the same page. Consistency is the key.

Mr Man & I are quite the tag-team. We like to share the work equally and spend time with Little Miss individually. We rotate nights - who puts her to bed and who gives her a tubby. If she's having a rough night we also take turns getting up with her.

Usually the night wakings are the hardest for me to stay out of. Mr Man is an awesome dad and does great with Little Miss. But when she is sleepy, crying, and calling out for mommy it is hard to stay away. But I do because I know going in there would do all of the things mentioned above.

When I do leave the house to run errands by myself she will sometimes fuss a little or cry. I don't buy into it - I make it a quick goodbye. Rip it off like a band-aid. "Bye you two! Have fun! Mommy will be back soon!" I don't even acknowledge the crying, because I know she is fine.

Mr Man has told me that each time the crying is less and less, and stops almost as soon as the door shuts now. I always come home feeling refreshed and I am welcomed by a giggly happy little girl who has been playing with her daddy. They need time alone together as much as I need the time away!

Your child needs you, as the mom, to not be there sometimes. Allow your child to rely on others and not be attached to you at the hip. This will ensure a well-rounded, confident, developed child.

Have you struggled with the mommy stage? What are some things that helped you & your husband guide your child to proper development?

Paper Flowers

Last year - I got paper flowers...was I disappointed?! Hardly! I told Ry I did not want him to buy me flowers for Valentine's - they are far too expensive and just end up dying anyway.

So he got creative. He got online & learned how to fold paper flowers. He used sturdy paper & a year later they are still beautiful and on my nightstand.

I love that he spent the time making me flowers I could treasure longer. I love that while doing it, he let me have a break from being a mom by taking Little Miss (10 months at the time) into her room to play while he folded paper. Best husband ever award.

A wise man once said...

"Communication is essentially a matter of conversation. They must have communicated when they were courting. Can they not continue to speak together after marriage? Can they not discuss with one another in an open and frank and candid and happy way their interests, their problems, their challenges, their desires?

"It seems to me that communication is essentially a matter of talking with one another. Let that talk be quiet for quiet talk is the language of love."

So on this mom blog I thought it appropriate to talk about marriage since the day of love is coming up. And a happy wife = a happy mom.

So...if you're married, do your husband a favor - TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT FOR VALENTINE'S. Specifically. Exactly what you want. Then he will be happy (and relieved), you will be happy, and happy parents = happy kids.

When doing my undergrad studies on family relationships - specifically marital relationships - I learned that lack of communication is often a marriage's downfall. Men tend to speak plainly. It's us girls who expect our guys to read our minds, which usually leads to disappointment.

Don't fall into that trap. Just tell him straight up - "I want flowers", "I want chocolate", "I want a backrub". Unless you want a surprise - then plan on being exceptionally happy with whatever he gets you! And enjoy a great Valentine's!