Monday, May 17, 2010

For the Love of Daddy

Little Miss is definitely a mommy's girl - which is to be expected since I'm a stay-at-home-mom. She's with me all the time and is used to daddy being gone. When I do want to get away, even for a few minutes she usually loses it. Panics. Cries. Doesn't want daddy. Sometimes even when we're both home she'll want me to cuddle her, not daddy...little stinker.

I'm sure you've seen those know the ones. Their child cries for mommy while being held by daddy and mommy swoops in saving her child from that mean ol' daddy's cuddles.

Umm...does this bug anyone else? Stepping in when you are obviously not needed and just wanted has so many negative effects...
  1. Your Child. You are an enabler. You are reinforcing her beliefs that she needs you, and no one else to be comforted. This means she will not learn to trust or rely on others, and probably will struggle when it comes to self-soothing as well.
  2. Your Husband. In one fail swoop you have cut him down. He no longer believes in his skills as a parent or that he has any at all. He feels useless. Unloved. Not trusted. And isolated from the bond you and your child have. His manhood - shot down.
  3. You. You have just enlisted yourself as a staple for all late nights, bad dreams, bumps, bruises, insecure moments your child will have. No one else will be able to comfort - so expect a lot of work as a single parent since you just single-handedly alienated your husband from the tag-teaming equation.
So what do you do when your child goes through the mommy (or daddy) stage? You chat with your husband when little one is sleeping and make sure you have a game plan and are on the same page. Consistency is the key.

Mr Man & I are quite the tag-team. We like to share the work equally and spend time with Little Miss individually. We rotate nights - who puts her to bed and who gives her a tubby. If she's having a rough night we also take turns getting up with her.

Usually the night wakings are the hardest for me to stay out of. Mr Man is an awesome dad and does great with Little Miss. But when she is sleepy, crying, and calling out for mommy it is hard to stay away. But I do because I know going in there would do all of the things mentioned above.

When I do leave the house to run errands by myself she will sometimes fuss a little or cry. I don't buy into it - I make it a quick goodbye. Rip it off like a band-aid. "Bye you two! Have fun! Mommy will be back soon!" I don't even acknowledge the crying, because I know she is fine.

Mr Man has told me that each time the crying is less and less, and stops almost as soon as the door shuts now. I always come home feeling refreshed and I am welcomed by a giggly happy little girl who has been playing with her daddy. They need time alone together as much as I need the time away!

Your child needs you, as the mom, to not be there sometimes. Allow your child to rely on others and not be attached to you at the hip. This will ensure a well-rounded, confident, developed child.

Have you struggled with the mommy stage? What are some things that helped you & your husband guide your child to proper development?


  1. I definitely have struggled with this! Although, being home all day with the stinker makes me not get involved when Daddy is taking care of him. Needing a break wins over quieting cries. Daddy feeds and puts Ryan to bed every night. I don't have the patience to do it ALL day long. Plus this gives them a special time to bond. I only do badly when Ryan is deathly screaming at night for over 10 minutes. Sometimes it's okay to go in. As long as it's not all the time. Thanks for the reminder!

  2. I don't really think that having a mommy's girl or boy is really from being an at home mom. I think it is a lot more personality then people give it credit I have always been an at home mom and ry and I have always tag teamed things the best we could but I have a big time daddy's girl and a big time mommy's boy and we love it we love our kids the same but from day one they have had their preferance even while I I was still in the hospital from having Gracie she just wanted Ryan we have a wonderful relationship that i would not change for anything but she is the most excited kid in the world when she see's her dad. I am so grateful that she is such a daddy's girl because my kids are so close in age that having a very difficult pregnancy and a 1 year old to take care of was made easier by her wanting her dad more then me. I also hope that her having a wonderful relationship with Ry will help her in the future know what qualities to look for in a husband.

  3. I am a stay at home Mommy and my babes is def a mommy's girl. My husband works such brutal hours that I have to be the one to do it all. Bedtime, baths, feeding, loves, comfort. So even though you might be in a partnership, sometimes you have one parent that is the do all. I believe that showing consistent love is the key to creating a good self esteem and in turn creating a strong individual from your consistency. That's what most matters! 4 hands or two, it all boils down to that


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